


I Think It's Time for Me to Move On

by CassandraAdern



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x03, Fights, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 02:17:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21236501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassandraAdern/pseuds/CassandraAdern
Summary: The 15X03 argument and aftermath. POV.





	I Think It's Time for Me to Move On

Dean

Cas caused this. If he’d just told Dean about Jack and that snake they could’ve stopped this. They could’ve saved his mom. Instead Cas had lied, just like he always did. Lied to Dean, hid the truth and fucked up. Majorly. Dean always forgave him of course. I mean it was Cas. But this was different. This was his mother. His hero for his whole life, the woman whose image he had idolized. And now she was gone. He’d just gotten her back. It wasn’t fair. It was all Cas’s fault. He should’ve told Dean. Not to mention he's just practically killed Rowena as well. Why did Cas always have to improvise? He thought he was doing the right thing but his judgement was seriously out of whack. If he had just stuck to the plan Rowena would be alive, and they could deal with Belphegor later. Dammit Cas. What a friggin child. And now Dean’s family had to pay the price. His real family, Cas hadn’t been much of that lately. Mary gone, Sam suffering from Rowena. Cas had done this. He hated the angel right now. All he ever did was mess up. Ever since the first apocalypse when he brought Sam back without a soul. Since then everything Cas did just caused more damage. Dean ran a hand across his face as he walked down the hall. Why did he always have to screw up. 

Cas

His conversation with Belphegor had been replaying in his mind all day. Sam and Dean are just using you, don’t mistake that for caring about you. Oh, you learn that the hard way Cas? He drew in a shaky breath. Ever since then his mind had been racing. Remembering all of his missions with the Winchesters. The brothers had called him family. But then they’d also betrayed him, tried to kill him. It was true they’d always choose each other over him, but that was to be expected. He supposed they did use him in a sense. They only called when they needed him to fix something for them, they used him as a scapegoat for things going wrong. Cas gave everything for them. He rebelled, killed his brothers and sisters, died several times. Yet the brothers never truly accepted him. He had no room in the bunker, not that he needed sleep, but the gesture would be nice. Even the initials carved on the table DW SW and MW was a painful reminder that he was never part of the family, not really. He was always in the backseat, literally. But then there were good times too. He remembered his movie nights With Dean. But then he supposed maybe the hunter just didn’t want to be alone. I’d rather have you, cursed or not. But those words may have just been a desperate attempt to convince Cas to go with him, after he was the only one who could see Dick. Another time he was wanted because he was useful. Then Dean searching purgatory for him. The human could’ve just left, but he’d searched for Cas. However, Dean loved purgatory, the purity of fighting, maybe Cas was just an excuse to stay longer. Either way, when he got out things had changed. Perhaps it was because of what had happened in purgatory, perhaps it was because Cas had fallen, because Gadreel had turned Cas against Dean. He didn’t know. But since then Dean had been… different. He was less forgiving, he needed Cas less. This whole time Cas could feel their bond weakening, he’d blamed it on one thing or another. Being human, Dean becoming a demon, the Darkness. But the truth was their bond was strained and there was nothing he could do to fix it. Not this time, especially after Mary. Dean would never forgive him for this. He had to talk to him, maybe there was some salvaging the bond they’d once had. He had to at least try.

Dean

When Cas came up to him he was so full of anger toward the angel he didn’t bother looking up. He resented him for all the crap he’d pulled. For getting his mom dead.  
“How’s Sam?” Dean half grimaced at the question. How dare Cas ask about Sam, he’d caused Sam’s pain, he had no right to know how he was.

“Not great.” 

“I’m sorry, about Rowena.” Dean looked up eyes blazing. It was almost a challenge for the angel to try and beg forgiveness, a promise that Dean wouldn’t give it. Dean hoped Cas would get all of that from the angry glance, rather, he knew he would.

“You’re sorry?” Dean spat “Why didn’t you just stick to the plan.” He felt the anger boiling up inside him. Anger toward Cas, toward God, anger because he’d just lost Mary and Jack and Rowena and Ketch and Cas was to blame AGAIN and he couldn’t just stick to the simplest fucking plan. He couldn’t do this one thing right.

“Belphegor is a demon, he was using us. He wanted to eat every last soul to take over Hell, Earth, and every-” More excuses. Of course, Cas always had excuses.

“And we would’ve figured it out, After.” Dean was angry, he was even more angry at Cas’s calm, level voice. The way he tried to justify his behavior, rationalize it. “With Rowena.”

“The plan changed, Dean.” Dean scoffed. Yeah maybe Cas’s plan. “Something went wrong. You know this. Something always goes wrong.” Dean was so tired of this, of the excuses.

“Yeah? Why does that something always seem to be YOU!” Dean growled. He felt sick with rage. He just wanted to grab Cas by the trenchcoat and beat on him till he realized how wrong he was. Cas’s reaction took him aback a bit. The angel’s face fell. Something in him seemed to break. Just for a moment. Then it solidified. The angel set his shoulders back and met Dean’s glaring eyes.

“You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt,” Dean rolled his eyes, Cas just couldn’t get what he’d done through that thick skull. The reasons why Dean didn’t trust him, could never trust him again. “Now you can barely look at me.” Really? Cas was just gonna throw himself this whole pity party trying to guilt Dean instead of owning up to his shit. “My powers are failing, and I’ve tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don’t care.” Dean clenched his jaw. That was hardly important, why did the angel have to come crying to him every time something was wrong, he wasn’t Dean’s responsibility. “I’m dead to you.” Dean swallowed hard. That stung. It was true Dean had told Cas he was dead to him, but he didn’t mean it. Not really. Not fully. But Cas sure did have a whole lot of redeeming to do. And Dean had the right to be angry at him. “You still blame me for Mary.” Any guilt Dean had felt in that moment changed instantly back to rage. How dare he say her name. Not after what he’d done. The angel studied his gaze for a moment before seeming to come to a decision. “Well, I guess there’s nothing left to say.” He turned and walked down the steps. Dean watched the familiar trench coat catch air and billow as he walked. He walked with such certainty.  
Away from Dean.

“Where are you going?” Of course there was more left to say. The angel paused and looked back.  
“Jack’s dead. Chuck is gone. You and Sam have each other.” He could hear the pained yearning and affection in the Angel’s words. “I think it’s time for me to move on.” Dean blinked in shock. A heartbeat later Cas tore his gaze from the human and walked away. The resolution in Cas’s words struck Dean worse than any punch could. He was leaving. He’d just destroyed Dean’s life, he was one of the only people Dean had left and he was leaving him. How could he. He didn’t get to just walk away from this. Maybe it was for the best. Cas was right. He could hardly even look at him. Now he wouldn’t have to. Cas could be his bad guy, he could blame him for everything, without feeling any sense of guilt. He hoped Cas died out there. He hoped he was gutted and left to bleed out slowly and he hoped his last thoughts would be of Mary, Rowena, Sam, how he’d let Dean down. Again. He knew no one could ever love Cas other than him. The guy was a freak. He had no heaven to turn to and he’d never fit in as a human. Dean was his only hope and he was leaving him, which meant the angel would never have anyone ever again. So be it. Cas was a child. Dean didn’t need him. He had Sam. Cas had nothing… 

Cas

It hurt him to leave Dean, broke him. But he stayed standing. He’s always known he’d have to move on from the Winchesters. He’d outlive them, he’d have to watch them die and learn to live again without them. However, he hadn’t imagined their parting would happen like this. Bad water under the bridge, not even a goodbye. It was devastating. But Dean wanted him gone. It was no longer his place to stay. In leaving the bunker he was completely on his own. But he’d get through it. He’d been through much worse. He’d lost heaven when he rebelled. Heaven he’d known for thousands of years, the Winchesters he’d only known for 11 years 1 month six days and 23 hours. He’d get through it. He’d lost his very own grace. The essence of who he was. He’d lost his Son. He could get through losing the brothers. He could get through losing Dean. He just needed to find purpose again. He could continue to hunt, though he’d never been very good at that. He could return to heaven, but what would that help. It barely had enough angels to remain running, and it’s not like they’d welcome him with open arms. So he just continued to wander, alone, with nothing except the trenchcoat on his back. Walking to find a new home.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work on AO3, I hope you guys enjoyed!  
Let me know where I can improve :)


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